A new belly button=A new me!

It's amazing what this 11 lbs off has done for me. I am looked at differently(in a positive way), not only from myself but by others. It's a great feeling!

It has gotten much easier at this point. I still feel a little uneasy bending down to the floor. And the doctor has not released me to workout or lift anything yet. I am excited to be able to get back to the gym. I'll tell ya one thing...sneezing doesn't hurt as much anymore lol.

I am still a bit swollen and have massaging the scar so it heals smoothly. I'm hoping by summer, it will be where I'd like it to be. Although, the surgeon said full results can take up to a year to show! Sheesh!!!

Here are new pics!

With each new day...

Now that I'm 3 weeks post tummy tuck, I'm starting to feel better. I'd say the first 4 days were the roughest...ok, maybe the first week, but I'm starting to regret it less and less every day. LOL

I'm still sore and I still can't lay down to sleep, but it's definitely getting easier. It's a very weird feeling to have no skin there. I'm so used to years and years of cleaning under every crease and crevace that it's insane to me not to have to do it anymore. I love it!

I'm still having to wear yoga-type pants. I'm still extremely swollen, even in places NO woman should be(wink). I actually drove and went to the grocery store which was a nice feeling to get out of the house alone. Here are the new updated pictures...

Attention Houston, I have a belly button!!!

Ok, so this is so surreal. I can NOT believe this for the life of me! First time ever that I can say...I LOVE my body! And to think, this new belly is still swollen!

It's Been A While

Ok, so it's been a while since I've blogged last. But, I'm back. Did ya miss me?

I haven't done much over the last um, year. I got a bit frustrated since my dr wouldn't give me another fill. Some days I could eat a cow, others just a calf. Some days I'd have reflux, others I could down wayyy too much. So, I've played with 20lbs up and down for the past year. Not so bad. Although, I wish they would just go away already. Maintaining is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

See, in the beginning, I kept the mindset that I should always think like a fat girl, even though I had lost all the weight. But then, somewhere in between, I forgot, slacked, and started to think I was a model that never had a weight problem. BIG mistake!

So, here I am. A year later, I still look good, atleast sometimes I think so.

Well, now it's a new year and I have started it off on the right foot.

After years of documenting blisters and infections and just plain ol nastyness under my stomach skin, my insurance decided to pay for my tummy tuck. Yup, they approved it. Insane, right?!
My surgery was this past Monday, 4 days ago, and I'm feeling like complete and total shit. The surgery was 6 hrs long. I have 3 nasty drain tubes that I have to continually empty but, I have to keep thinking positive. 1, the doctor took off 11 lbs of skin from my stomach. Yea, that's a lot. 2, in a week or so, I will be able to go buy some clothing that I would have never been able to try on with the spare tires I had. It's unbelievable. I'm living on motrin and tylenol for pain and zofran when I'm nauseas. I would take stronger meds but my body dislikes them, so I'd rather have some pain than puking.

Pretty cool thing is that my lapband doctor assisted in the plastic surgery. He was the one who recommended the plastic surgeon. My band dr also changed my port size. Now, it's about 1/2 the size it was so it doesn't buldge out of my new belly.

It was pretty cool for the minute the dr let me see my belly. Right now, it's covered for a few weeks with a tight acewrap so it will stay put. I can't believe I have a belly button.

Well, that's it for now. I am posting two photos. Two before and two as-of-now. Enjoy.

Almost There is taking TOO DAMN LONG lol

So I walk into my doctor's office to hear him say "Look at you! You look great! You've got to be at goal at this point". I look at him, laugh, and step on the scale. He then says, "Oh, well another 20 lbs til a healthy BMI". But hey, atleast I LOOK thin!

From there, I had to make some exchanges at the mall. Well, you do know that in reality, when a woman goes to return something, you have GOT to buy something in exchange. So, I got daring. I decided to try on a size 8. Now...when I tried on the 10s a few months ago, and they fit, I think I said "Holy Shit, they fit". Well yesterday, it was "No fuckin way they fit" LOL

Insane! I haven't been a size 8 since I think I was 8? I love Old Navy!

I'm hoping to get to goal within the next 3 months. Wishes do come true right?!

Here are my latest pics! Enjoy!

It's all surreal

Here I am...12 months out. Just had my bandiversary and feeling great. I went to Old Navy this week(now my favorite store) to try on a new size....size 10. There was no way I was fitting my ass into a size 10. So, I bring the 12's and the 10's into the dressing room. I try on the 12's...too big. Do I dare try the 10's? Sure, why not! Holy Shit they fit!!! Yes, I had a little bit of muffin top going on but they closed without the button popping off! LOL I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry. I think the last time I was a 10, I was in elementary school. It's amazing...it's surreal!
I walk out of the dressing room in a fog, still not believing that it fit...it actually fit! :)
I then decided to take a friend's advice and walk my former-fatass over to Lane Bryant to try on my old size of 28. As I walk in, the sales associate looks at me like I had ten heads, asking me 'Is there something I can help you with'. I explained my situation, how I'm banded and the only time I can see my transformation is in my photos. But when I look in the mirror, I still see fat ol' me. She led me to a pair of 28 pants, and as I took them off the rack, my response was "I can't believe my ass was that big!". Wow! How the heck did I get THAT big? Wow!
I took the 28's into the dressing room and put them on. Then it hit me...wow again! I could fit BOTH of my legs into ONE leg of the size 28 pants. Again, how did I get that big?! Wow! I walked out of the dressing room in awe, laughing. The sales associate was nice enough to take a picture with my cell phone so I could keep the memory of me, a 10 vs the old me, a 28.
I have about 25 lbs left. It's a slowwwwwww process now. I have to learn to get my ass off the couch and exercise more. Yes, I have skin. What fat person do you know that loses over 100 lbs does not have skin? Comeon people!!! And why are people so worried about skin? I'd rather have skin than medical problems from being so big anyday!
My husband pointed out to me, that for the first time since surgery, I had complimented myself. A friend wanted me to go to the diner with her. I politely declined, knowing that it was too late to eat and quite honestly I didn't need it. When I came home early, my husband asked "Why didn't you go?" where my response was "I'm a former fatty and no former fatty can go to a diner and watch someone else eat...I would have ordered too". LOL So there goes it. I have finally admitted to myself that I'm not as big as I used to be. Hooray for my accomplishment for getting rid of 111 lbs AND for FINALLY realizing it!!!

To Century and Beyond!!!

I was so excited to get to century(losing over 100 lbs) but now that I'm there, it doesn't feel any different. I've been there for a few weeks now and my weight was just sitting at 101. Now, I've had my 5th fill (my last one was in the beginning of April) and the scale is my friend again. As of today, I'm down 104 lbs. I'm banded just about 11 months now. Insane! I can't believe my bandiversary is around the corner and I'm almost at goal!
I look more and more at other people and ask my mom or a friend "Am I bigger than her?" because I feel that big and every time, they say "No way!". So why do I still feel just as big as before?
I am definitely more critical of myself now than when I weighed 286 lbs. I know, I know...But I think I realized WHY I do that...
When you're fat, you know that other people know you're fat. They take one look at you and don't think anything but "damn that girl is fat". So being fat, you don't care what you look like because no matter how hard you try, you're still seen as the disgusting, fat girl. Yet now, when I look in the mirror, I care what I look like. I notice the fat here and the fat there. And knowing that more people will notice me because I'm looking better, I feel they will be able to pinpoint my specific negatives.
Plus, no matter how thin someone is, no one is EVER happy with the way they look. I have friends who are size 2 and still whine "omg I'm sooo fat". Seriously!!!
So will I ever be happy with my weightloss other than I don't look like a blob?